Friday, June 24, 2011

The Summer Project

Each summer I look for a project to keep myself occupied. This has been a theme for me since my nest emptied 6 years ago. I was very involved in my children's lives, and I found myself a bit lost when they went off to college. Six years ago, I decided to reawaken my interests in art, knitting and spinning; which had been on the back shelf for awhile. Each summer since, I've undertaken some sort of extensive art or knitting projects.

This summer is different. This summer, I decided my project will be me. Although weight has been an issue for me since I started having babies in 1983, I'm really starting to feel the effects of all this extra poundage. I am having trouble doing the things I want and like to do, physically. This is simply unacceptable to me. For the first time in my life, I feel the burden of this weight, and notice that it is causing me to change the way I live my life.

And so, on the first day of my summer vacation, I weighed myself and started keeping track of the things I was placing into my body.

I purchased a couple of weight-loss books for my Kindle, and read them. I found the books motivational, and I started doing a few exercises as well. One of the books I purchased was the Spark, which introduced me to a website.

That was three days ago. I reluctantly decided to set foot on the scale to see if I could get a starting point for myself on that website. I was shocked!!! In 16 days, I seemed to have misplaced 15 pounds! I stepped on the darned thing again today and was doubly shocked to discover another 4 were gone!

Now, I haven't just fallen off the old turnip truck here, and I know that this dramatic weight loss will come to a screeching halt, or at least slow-down. But, I had a surprising reaction to this news today. While I was squinting and staring at the needle on the scale, wiggling to and fro to see if it was somehow hung up, I felt a twinge of panic. Holy cow! This is really happening! NOW WHAT?!?!?! I'm not sure I would know how to be a thin person! This massive layer of fat seems to be a protective suit for me. Once I self-talked myself into believing I could adjust to a thinner body, I noticed another dark feeling lurking around the corner. I'm very used to failing when it comes to my weight. And there it was, Failure, peeking around the corner of the bathroom door. Well, I picked up my hairbrush and chased that badboy down the hall. But I know he still is lurking in my subconscious, and I'll have to keep an eye on him.

I am anxious about the next two weeks. I will be going to visit my children next week for a few days. They like to take me to their favorite eating joints when I'm there for a visit. I've already given them a heads-up that Mom will be foregoing the infamous "Bucket of Tots" with cheese sauce this trip and may be looking for those weird veg-e-table thingies. When I get back from visiting my kids, I will have a boatload of family in town for a week. That means eating at my parents' house, taking my guests to their favorite burger joint (a must, every time they visit), ballgames, and night-time popcorn over board games. It will be a test, to be sure.

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